What is Perfectionism?

Have you ever felt like no matter how hard you try, your work is never good enough? Do you spend countless hours perfecting every detail, only to feel dissatisfied with the result? If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with perfectionism. But what exactly is perfectionism, and how can it affect your life?

Perfectionism is more than just wanting things to be perfect. It’s a personality trait where individuals set unrealistically high standards for themselves and strive for flawlessness. This can lead to a constant fear of failure, making even the simplest tasks feel daunting. But there’s more to perfectionism than meets the eye.

The Key Signs of Perfectionism

Recognizing perfectionism is the first step towards managing it. Here are some common signs:

• Overly Critical Self-Evaluation: Constantly feeling that your work isn’t good enough.
• Procrastination: Delaying tasks out of fear they won’t be done perfectly.
• Excessive Checking and Re-Doing: Spending excessive time revising work to meet high standards.
• Avoidance: Steering clear of tasks where there’s a risk of failure.
• Irritability: Heightened irritability and a sense of frustration, even over minor issues.

The Science Behind Perfectionism

What do we know about the origins of perfectionism? Is it normal to have those tendencies and suffer from them?

1. Neuroscience

Why do some people struggle with perfectionism? The roots are often deep-seated, involving a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors. Neuroscientific research shows that perfectionism is linked to increased activity in the brain’s error-monitoring system. However, this heightened sensitivity to mistakes can create a cycle of anxiety and overwork.

In general, our brains are wired for survival and it was important for the survival of our species to have a negativity bias. This resulted in a focus on innovation and improvement, instead of risking anything by not paying attention. Another possible reason might be a fear of exclusion from our community. Again, this served our survival in ancient times, as humans could not survive all by themselves. And so bringing forward our best behavior can be seen as an attempt to gain a place within a specific group of people.

2. Childhood Development

Perfectionism can also stem from childhood conditioning, where children learn to adapt to parental expectations for acceptance and validation. Evolutionarily, conforming to parental standards ensured offspring’s survival within the family unit, fostering security and support. However, in modern times, stressed or emotionally immature parents may inadvertently convey unrealistic standards or make children “work” to receive love and attention, leading to perfectionistic tendencies in children. This conditioning can result in chronic self-doubt, fear of failure, and anxiety about meeting others’ expectations.

Recognizing the origins of perfectionism in childhood highlights the need for nurturing environments that prioritize resilience and self-compassion over unattainable standards.

Take the First Step Towards Change

Why would anyone actually want to change and overcome perfectionism?  Isn’t it good to be perfect? However, nothing and no one is truly perfect. Striving for an unattainable goal – the perfect mail, project or career – can actually lead to anxiety, decreased productivity and even burnout and depression.

So understanding perfectionism is crucial. Below you can see some practical actions that you can try.

1. Steps to Overcome Perfectionism

• Set Realistic Goals: Aim for progress, not perfection. Set achievable goals that allow for mistakes and learning. Think about approaching everything as a work-in-progress and update different iterations to get better instead of expecting a perfect result from the start.
• Prioritize Tasks: Identify what is most important and focus on those tasks first. Let go of less critical details (F.ex. you can have a look at the “Eisenhower Matrix”). This way, you can start spending effort and focus only on the most important tasks.
• Limit Revisions: Set a limit on how many times you can revise your work. This helps prevent excessive checking and re-doing.
• Reward Progress: Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how minor they may seem.
• Take Some Time to Reflect: Grab a book and pen and start reflecting on why you possibly feel the need to be perfect and if it is truly necessary. Maybe look around you and think about whether others are actually perfect or just seem to be. Also, know that no one knows what YOUR 100% looks like. Could you give 90% or 80% and still fulfill the requirements?
• Practice Self-Compassion: Above all, be kind to yourself and acknowledge that no one is perfect. Accept mistakes as part of the learning process.

2. Benefits of Coaching Sessions for Perfectionism

This is where professional coaching can make a significant difference. Coaching provides tailored strategies to manage and reduce perfectionistic tendencies, leading to a more balanced and fulfilling life. Here’s why you should consider it:

• Personalized Strategies: Coaches help you understand your specific perfectionism triggers and develop practical strategies to address them.
• Skill Development: Learn essential skills for setting realistic goals, time management, and self-compassion.
• Cognitive Restructuring: Change negative thought patterns and adopt a healthier mindset.
• Reflection on Origins: Gain clarity on where your tendencies of perfectionism come from and unlock your own power of confronting them.

Perfectionism doesn’t have to control your life. By implementing above strategies, you can develop healthier habits and a more balanced approach to your goals.